“I’m jealous of my younger sister’s marriage…”
This is something I’ve never said out loud because it makes me feel like a terrible person, but I need to get it off my chest. I’m 36. My sister is 25. We’re 11 years apart, and I’m the same age as her husband. She married him when she was 22, and now they have a 1-year-old daughter.
I already know people are going to judge the age gap, so I’ll just say this upfront: they met when she was 20 and he was 31. Whatever anyone thinks about that, he treats her incredibly well.
That’s the part that hurts. He’s attentive. He checks in on her. He gives her full self care days where he takes care of the baby so she can rest or do her own thing. She does the same for him. He rubs her back, takes her on dates, makes her feel special and beautiful every day. It’s obvious he genuinely adores her.
And I am happy for her. I really am. She deserves love and stability and happiness. But I’m also deeply jealous. As the older sister, I feel like I’m supposed to be the one who has it together. I’m supposed to be married, settled, maybe with a kid by now. Instead, I’ve been through relationship after relationship that turned out to be toxic, always hoping the next one would finally be different.
Sometimes, and this is the part I feel the most ashamed of, I catch myself fantasizing about what it would be like if I had a husband like him. What it would feel like to be chosen, prioritized, and loved that way. I don’t want him specifically, and I would never cross a line or act on these thoughts, but the comparison still happens, and I hate myself a little every time it does.
It feels so unfair. I’ve done the work, I’ve tried, I’ve loved hard, and yet I’m the one watching from the sidelines while my younger sister has the life I always imagined for myself. I don’t resent her. I don’t want anything taken away from her. I just wish I didn’t feel so behind, so lonely, and so invisible by comparison. I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I just needed to admit they exist.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
sprjunior said:
Well, if that helps, I also envy your sister’s marriage and many others, it’s totally understandable and I hope you find your partner too.
GunnisonCap said:
Make finding a good man who wants to settle down, have a family and so forth your priority. Don’t waste time on men who want to”fun” and be up front about it from now on.
Starry-Dust4444 said:
Don’t be jealous. It’s petty. Focus on your own life. Get therapy to better understand why you chose men who were toxic in the past. I promise, if you work on yourself then things will fall into line. If you covet what someone else has, it won’t.
jacks___923 said:
You’re not alone. I’m 35F but have just had bad luck with men and no one ever seems to want to commit. I wasted the past 7 years of my life with a man hoping he’d change and he didn’t.
Now I’m trying to navigate this life with the realizations that maybe not everyone has someone, but that that’s okay. I read your comment about focusing on your relationship with your niece and I think that’s a great way to look at it.
Bulky-Economics4438 said:
Right there with you, friend. My family always built me up saying I’d be the best wife and mom and yet my baby sister has done it all before me and done it well. I’m just the fun auntie and although it’s fun I long for the love and commitment she has.
No-Sentence-5191 said:
This sounds like you’re repeating a pattern that attracts toxic people.
