“Boyfriend (29M) turned off location while out with his coworkers. I (26F) have the urge to break up with him. How do I think of this logically?”
I (26F) have been dating my bf (29M) for a little over a year now. A few months ago I went through his phone and found out he’d been regularly working out with one of his female friends in his apartment gym and inviting her over afterwards to eat and chat.
I confronted him and he lied about it until I straight-up told him I went through his phone. For context, this girl has been friends with him since college, and he admitted to me before that he had a hunch this girl had feelings for him.
Looking at their messages, you could see subtle flirting on her end. He wouldn’t entertain them, but he didn’t stop or call her out on them either. Anyways, he swears nothing inappropriate ever happened, and I guess I kind of believe him because he has experienced being cheated on by an ex-partner of 8 years, which resulted in him abruptly ending that relationship.
He convinced me to stay, saying that he’ll be radically honest and will work hard to rebuild trust. Honestly, the months after have been problem after problem. I already have trust issues to begin with because of my past relationship (he knew this and still did things behind my back). Because of this, he often blames my insecurities on me as if he never did anything to make things infinitely worse.
Presently, he leaves for a five day trip. Day before he gets back, I suggest we go out and do something fun since it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. He leaves me on read. He tells me the next night he planned a dinner with his coworkers.
I check his location and see that it was turned off the moment he told me he was at the dinner. It’s been 3 hours, almost 4. Idk, I’m probably just overthinking it and acting crazy bc I have trust issues. His phone could have very well just turned off. But I feel like a considerate boyfriend who claims he wants to rebuild trust would have told me that his phone was out of battery.
He still isn’t back yet and I can feel myself boiling in anger, fear, and anxiety. I want to control my feelings and just trust him but I don’t know how. I know the moment he walks through that door, if he ever does, I’m going to be extremely cold, suspicious, and accusatory. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should’ve never tried to make things work.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
true-believer14 wrote:
You don’t have to prove he cheated to break up with him, do it because you know you can’t trust him.
OP responded:
Even if he treats me well otherwise?
tokkutacos wrote:
He lied to you, and the trust is broken. Now you are doing stalker type crap which depending on location, can be illegal, this is not healthy or normal at all.
Please break up and move on and get some therapy to help with it. Yes, it can be hard but worth it.
Naturesvividpictures wrote:
Well personally I don’t think people should track one another. I mean you’re constantly wondering what they’re doing wherever they are talk about a self-esteem killer or a relationship k**ler.
You should have lived back in the 80s and 90s when we couldn’t do that to people. You had to actually take someone that their word or become a stalker to find out they’re lying to you. So either you trust him or you don’t if you don’t then break up with them.
leelakitty11 wrote:
Went through something similar. His location was off and he wasn’t answering his phone cause he “left it in the car” he was supposed to be home at a certain time and ended up finally messaging me hours after that time, I explained to him that I didn’t care if he was out but that he knew i was up at home waiting for him and was just hoping for an update and he said he would do better to communicate with me.
Cheated on me a few weeks later with the person he was with when his phone was off. He had apparently been cheated on multiple times in the past but I’m guessing the reality was he’s the one who cheated and he just flipped the script to gain sympathy.
They give empty promises to make you stay, so they don’t feel unwanted and abandoned when the reality is they have no issue making you feel that way. You don’t deserve that at all. Trust your gut and leave, you’ll never be 100% happy or trustful in this relationship again without a lot of work.
bunni666420 wrote:
You’re definitely not over thinking . Please please trust your gut. I also have bad anxiety and relationship trust issues and I always tried to talk my self out of my gut instinct and every time it turned out to be right. You deserve better, not someone who is going to leave you on read and not even want to come see you first.
caravaggio1971 wrote:
You don’t trust him because he’s already lied to you, and you’ll never trust him again. The best thing to do is end this relationship. Why stay with someone who has already broken your trust? You know you don’t feel safe in this relationship, so it’s best to move on. WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME.
Thenuggetiest wrote:
A healthy relationship doesn’t leave you feeling suspicious or crazy or boiling with anger. This is currently an unhealthy relationship. Him hanging out with another girl is very strange, and for omitting this huge detail, I would have ended it right there. You can’t trust him, and he doesn’t seem trust worthy. It sounds like this relationship is on the rocks, if not already over.
