“AITA for not cooking something my son’s girlfriend could eat?”
I am 40f and have a son 17m, he has just gotten his first girlfriend and both me and his dad were very thrilled by this! We asked him if she would like to come over for dinner so that we could meet her and get to know her. He asked her, told us that she would love to. This was about two weeks ago and we set up a date (the dinner was Thursday night so just yesterday).
I cooked what I always cook when we have guests over (if it is not a specific type of dinner). I just throw together a smaller caesar salad as an appetizer and then serve a steak with potatoes that I have on the pan with butter, garlic, and some bacon. Since I was cooking I just greeted her while my son, her and my husband were sitting in the living room. When dinner was ready, she did not eat anything.
My son threw me nasty looks but did not say anything, I asked her if she wanted something else but she just kind of awkwardly said that it was fine. When I bring out the main dish, she did not take anything this time either.
I felt so bad that I did not make anything that she liked, I told her that I would love to throw together something for her but she turned my offer down and told me that it was just nice company and the food was not the main part, but she was sure it was good. It went great, she left, and immediately after my son blew up on me.
He asked me why I would cook everything with animal products when I knew she was a strict vegan, I felt kind of bad and thought that I had just forgotten about it, I asked him when he told me that and said I was sorry. He told me he said that when we talked about inviting her for dinner, my husband just chimes in with “No son, you did not.”
My son is still insisting that he told me and that he made sure several times that I was still on track with that, but I have zero recollection of that. I don’t know if I am just extremely forgetful and he is right, he is so insistent that he told me and I feel like maybe he did, I mean it is his girlfriend and he know I always cook with animal products, so why wouldn’t he?
So am I the AH for not cooking anything she could eat? Maybe I should have asked him what she liked to eat and asked if there was something she couldn’t.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
MyNextVacation wrote:
NTA, but if you want her to feel welcome, invite her for a homemade vegan dinner this weekend.
And OP responded:
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I think that is a good solution! Thanks!
TheOneAndOnly75 wrote:
NTA… more than likely, he forgot to tell you, and he was embarrassed. By your account, the girlfriend handled things quite well, and you should be proud that your son is with a kind partner. Like someone else suggested, I would reach out to her, apologize for the miscommunication, and invite her back over for a new vegan meal.
BandicootDry7847 wrote:
NAH. We have a rule in our house for the ‘I told you/I imagined I told you/you forgot’ stitch-up. Instead of running ourselves in circles, we accept that somewhere things got lost and we work to find a solution for next time. Maybe he told you, maybe he told you in a different context and it slipped your mind, maybe he didn’t tell you at all.
Ask him to drop his defences and ask if he wants to be right or to solve the problem and the latter is what you’re interested in. Ask him if you can have a re-do and ask him to help you with the menu.
ForestElemantal wrote:
NTA. You didn’t do it out of malice, it was an honest mistake. Things happen, and your son should not have blown up on you. You can try inviting her over again, and maybe her and you could make something together that she likes.
chickadeedeedee_ wrote:
NTA. If someone is a strict vegan, one would think that would be mentioned more than once anyway. Even if your son mentioned it in passing, he should’ve reminded you again when dinner was approaching or when he knew you were buying groceries. Did he not notice the ingredients set out or in the fridge ever?
jimmytaco6
OP, he’s probably extremely embarrassed. As you mentioned, this is his first girlfriend and it was his first time inviting her over to meet you. He’s learning how to navigate a relationship for the first time and he’s probably worried she will break up with him.
You’re NTA but I would do him a solid here and take the fall. Dating is a skill that requires practice like any other skill. In the grand scheme it’s a small mistake but it probably feels like the sky is falling in his head because he lacks perspective.
This is a learning experience for him and hopefully it’s a lesson that will stick with him in the future. Down the road he will probably appreciate what you did.
Outrageous_Button848 OP:
Yes! I plan on taking the fall for him, especially since it may very well be my fault that this happened. I can see that he really likes her and would hate for them to break up or for her to think that I don’t like her because of what I cooked, but I hope this can all be resolved
cppcrusader
You don’t need to completely fall on the sword here. If you tell her that you just forgot then that is likely to backfire on you and end up with a permanently sour relationship between you and the girlfriend.
P1cklesniffer
And if you’re not sure exactly what to cook for her, invite her over to help prepare?
Outrageous_Button848 OP:
I have thought about that too! At the same time I think it will be a nice gesture to cook something for her to show some remorse and also respect for her, I have read some recipes and also read that vegan food can be hard to make right if you are not experienced, so I think it can be a good bonding moment for her and me (although I don’t want to seem too pushy with her too soon)
What would YOU have done in this situation?
