I (24 F) board my horses on my parents’ property. I pay them $50 per horse per month for pasture board (no arena and a janky round pen is all they have for horse facilities) plus $100/month for hay, which is the same amount I paid at a commercial boarding facility before they bought this property.The arrangement has always been framed as “kind of family, kind of business.” I pay monthly, but I’ve also been expected to help feed, water, and handle issues with their livestock as needed. When things go wrong, responsibility often defaults to me even if I wasn’t involved.On Sunday when I went out to feed, my parents cows were out. I had my fiancé leave me there so I could help get the cows back in, while my brother stayed inside. I ended up waiting almost an hour for someone to come back and pick me up. During that situation, my mom left a gate open, which allowed one of my horses to get out into the cow pasture, which is not safe for horses. On Monday, my mom called and asked me to help fix fence, but I had urgent winterizing and chicken coop work I needed to finish at my own house and for my animals (its supposed to be in the teens this week we’ve had a really mild winter so far), so I couldn’t help that day. I believe this is part of why she feels I “don’t help enough.” On Tuesday when I went out to feed again, calves were out and my horses were in the cow pasture. After chasing my horse down, I still got on my horse and pushed the cows toward where they were supposed to be, while my fiancé and his two kids waited in the car. One of the kids has severe bronchitis and a respiratory infection, and it was around 30°F, so I wasn’t willing to make a four and seven-year-old sit in a cold car any longer. I left the cows on the wrong side of the fence, but as close as I could safely get them to where they belonged.
She then said that since I haven’t gone out of my way to help as much as she expects, the arrangement is now a “business arrangement, not a family one.” According to her, that means:
- my horses must be fully separated from theirs (my mare was in a pasture with one of their shetlands and my filly was with the other)
- I must feed every single night
- rules change immediately
I said fine — but one of my horses (a weanling filly) isn’t ready to be housed with my other yet, because that is her dam and they have only been separated for 4 months. Everything I’ve read says a minimum 6-8 month separation; it’s only been 4. I offered to cite sources. She wasn’t interested.
When I asked if there was another solution, she said, “What if I say no?”
I responded that if they couldn’t be safely separated here, I’d have to find another place to board them. She accused me of giving her an ultimatum, and making her do things my way. The conversation ended with me asking to please continue the conversation the next evening (which will be the day I’m posting this) when I come feed because at that point we’d been standing outside in freezing weather arguing for what felt like hours and I was shivering so badly she could barely understand me, so the issue was paused.
For additional context:
My brother (26 M) has lived on the same property rent-free for almost two years. He’s had a job for nearly a year and makes good money. He gets praised for occasionally feeding animals. Meanwhile, when I lived on the property, I was required to pay rent, even during a period where I was financially struggling to the point of going hungry and having my power shut off. My parents now use the fact that they “only charged me my half of rent” as proof they helped me — even though the original agreement (made before they bought the property) was that my ex and I would each pay $500.
I’m now planning to move my horses to a nearby boarding facility (1 mile from my house instead of 15) that has an arena, trails, and clear expectations. It costs more, but I can afford it and it would remove the family conflict entirely.
AITA for deciding to move my horses and stop participating in a setup where it’s “business” when money is involved but “family” when labor or blame is needed?
