AITAH for telling my girlfriend I can only propose if she cuts her parents off for good?
My girlfriend and I have a son. His conception was unintentional, but we love him very much. He’s four years old. There have been multiple times that my girlfriend has hinted that she wants us to get married. I love her, and I would love to marry her, but I have never proposed.
When we first started dating, my girlfriend was estranged from her parents. When we had our son, they wanted to reconnect. When I met them, they were hostile towards me right off the bat. They made snide comments about my ethnic identity, my job, my house and pretty much anything else they could think of. They even mocked my cooking, which is crazy. I’m am amazing cook.
We never let them meet our son. She cut them off again for the way they spoke to me. A little over a year later they tried to reconnect again. That also ended in disaster. It’s happened again twice since then. Even though I know my girlfriend wants me to propose, I haven’t because I know they still have a little bit of a hold over her.
My girlfriend just found out she’s pregnant. She told me outright she wants me to propose. I told her I wasn’t ready. She asked why. I told her, as long as she’s still willing to have her parents in her life I won’t marry her. It’s too big a risk to me and our son. Her parents are racist, and our son is mixed race.
She couldn’t believe I gave her an ultimatum. She said if I can give an ultimatum so can she. She said if I won’t marry her she’ll have an abortion. I said I accepted that, because I’ll choose our child who’s already here over one that isn’t. She was horrified by my response and moved into the guest room.
Was I an asshole for telling her the truth? I know ultimatums are bad, but I felt she deserved to know why I wouldn’t propose.
