I have never been big on birthdays, don’t get me wrong I don’t hate them, I just prefer something low-key: dinner with my closest friends, maybe watch a film, something small basically. Everyone close to me knows this, especially my sister, (let’s call her maya) who loves big gestures and believes every birthday or achievement needs balloons and a theme and much much more.
Two weeks before my birthday, Maya started acting strange. She kept asking me if id be “free that Saturday” and acted weirdly when I asked why. I suspected that she was up to something, so I told her AGAIN that I didn’t want a party. She just laughed and said that as per usual I was being no fun.
A couple nights ago (the night before my birthday) one of our mutual friends let it slip about it being a party, she mentioned what she was wearing. Anyway turns out the whole family was invited and it was at our parent’s house. Some co-workers were also invited but here’s the kicker – MY EX.
For a little context – me and ex broke up about 2 months ago. It ended pretty badly, no abuse or cheating but it wasn’t a pleasant ending. I’ve made it pretty clear to everyone in my life that I want NO contact. Maya knows this, however she’s told me multiple times that I should just get over the whole situation because he’s a nice guy and that he’s been apart of all our lives for years.
The first thing that I did was call Maya, demanding answers and she didn’t deny it. She just said that we could finally talk it all out. She admitted that she hadn’t just thrown this party for my birthday but also so everyone could see my ex again and we could fix things between us. She literally said to me that I’d thank her later.
I went mad, I said to her she had no right. That I would have been ambushed into the situation, on MY birthday. And this was all after I had specifically said that I didn’t want a party. She just said that I was dramatic and bloody ungrateful, that she had this whole thing planned because I wouldn’t find better and it was a good gift. She said everyone had gifts and travelled. That everyone was excited.
So yesterday, my birthday, I completely powered off my phone and didn’t let anyone know other than my best friend so we went out for lunch and went on a walk together. Ended up having a great day. When I finally got home I turned my phone on and it was MENTAL. Maya was fuming, people were disappointed, people even said I embarrassed Maya.
Maya is now basically saying that I ruined the whole party, and made it all about me (it was literally my birthday). She says that she did it out of a good place in her heart and that I should at least apologize for not showing up and letting people know. So am I the ahole?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
BluePopple said:
NTA. Don’t be surprised when Maya and your ex end up dating.
sealittle said:
NTA-But, Maya is right, you did make it about you. Before it was all about HER–her throwing this big party, her mending your relationship with your ex. You robbed her of the opportunity to pat herself on the back! She did it out of a good place in her heart for HER.
Wooden-Luck1865 said:
NTA. You didn’t skip your birthday, you chose to actually enjoy it. A surprise party that ignores your wishes and invites someone you’re actively avoiding isn’t a gift, it’s a setup
AcademicContest7038 said:
Nta the and you should post on your socials to let the rest of your family and friends know you told her no to do that and she went ahead anyway so they know its her fault not you
k23_k23 said:
NTA. You set a reasonable boundary. Well done! “She says that she did it out of a good place in her heart and that I should at least apologize for not showing up and letting people know.” …YOU have nothing to apologize for. You were not hosting, and you never agreed to come. This is ALL maya’s fault, SHE needs to apologize to HER guests.
Remote-Passenger7880 said:
How dare you not be grateful that someone hijacked your birthday to turn it into an intervention and force you back into contact with an ex. Is she trying to get you two to date again? She should be embarrassed. She actively tried to ruin your birthday. She tried to turn it into a performance piece with the intention of controlling your life. NTA.
