AITAH for caring my brother is dating my ex wife?
Was with my ex wife for ~8 years. Ultimately the relationship broke down with complicated fertility issues. I was the one who called it.
10 years ago I met my current wife. We have now been married for 5 years. Lengthy IVF process which resulted in donor, and we now have two young children. My ex wife also now has a child – fertility issues were all mine.
I called my brother for his birthday. After chatting I asked what he was doing that night and he said having dinner with X. Being a common name I didn’t think much of it in the moment. But then, I thought what if… I went onto Facebook and my ex wife had posted a cutesy message on his profile for his birthday and he has replied in kind.
I didn’t want to jump to assumptions, so I called our Mum and asked if my brother was seeing X (brother sees Mum every day so she would know). Her response totally threw me. She played dumb but then added “so what if he is”. The whole thing became me asking “but isn’t this weird?” And both my Mum and my Dad saying it has nothing to do with me, what did it matter I’m happy, and she’s not my property. I hung up, knowing now he obviously was seeing her. So I called him.
He has been seeing her for months. Everyone kept me in the dark and no one thought to tell me because they didn’t think it mattered.
The other complicated factor is X really tried mess with my relationship with my current wife (fake profiles created to contact my current wife etc). Which I’m not sure my brother knows about, but my parents sure did. I ended up telling my brother if he’s seeing her he won’t be seeing me, and hung up. He tried to call back a few times but I didn’t answer. He then sent me a message saying “real mature”
So AITAH for thinking a conversation before him pursuing things with her was courteous? IMO you don’t peruse your siblings ex spouse. Ever. But to do so without checking in, and for months…?
And then to make matters worse, my Dad calls to berate me for “abusing my mum” and she’s so upset and “I don’t know what I have done to her”. And I can hear her swearing at us all in the background. I never raised my voice during our conversation. Also… had the conversation in the room with a nanny cam. It’s all recorded. And I’m good.
AITA? How do we come back from this?
