“AITA for not immediately giving in to a 3-year-old having a temper tantrum in front of her gentle parenting mother?”

“AITA for not immediately giving in to a 3-year-old having a temper tantrum in front of her gentle parenting mother?”

I (40f, no kids) sometimes babysit my 3f cousin. Her mother is one of those gentle parents, which means that with every single temper tantrum the kid gets what they want.

There’s zero attempts at discipling the child, everything is solved by either giving the child what she wants or just nursing her to shut her up. Needless to say, to say this child is a menace is an understatement, but I digress.

Anyway, I’m not here to discipline other people’s kids, but it makes me so sad. She really is a smart sweet kid with huge potential, and it hurts me to my core to see it go to waste like that, as the kids behaviour gets worse and worse by the day.

But today we were watching Bluey. I try to make it so we watch a max of 2-3 episodes after we play, trying to not have too much screen time. We were on our third episode when her mom came to get her.

She starts full on screaming for another episode. I turn off the tv and say “I understand you want to watch another episode. I will put on just one more when you calm down, stop crying, and ask nicely, ok?”.

This normally works when the mom is not here, but this time of course the kid would not calm down because she knows that mommy will get her what she wants. So I didn’t turn the tv back on. The mom gave me this deathly look, like “how dare you try to discipline my child”. And told me “just put it on” with a bit of an attitude.

I just stayed there with the remote in my hand not knowing what to do. And the kid just kept screaming. Loud. AITA for not giving in to the temper tantrum right away? I know it’s her mother’s way and this is her child, but still. It’s so hard to do it knowing that I’m actively ruining this child, I just can’t.

Edit: I stand corrected for the misuse of the term “gentle parenting”, when as many of you told me this situation is clearly “permissive parenting”. I was just going by what I was told by the mother, and as I’m not a parent I just took her word for it.

Also English is not my main language, and I wasn’t aware of the existence of the latter term. Thank you all for educating me and keep gentle parenting your kids the right way!

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Hot_Needleworker4631

You don’t understand the difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. This person is permissive, and they’re going to raise a very spoiled, poorly adjusted child because of it. NTA.

fusguita (OP)

That’s exactly what it is!!! Is that a thing? This is going to generate some unregulated adults in the future, and they will be the ones taking care of us in our old age. We’re all doomed 😆

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Hopeful-Wave4822

Permissive parenting gives gentle parenting a bad name.

non_person_sphere

So it’s not ok to talk to a child in any way which is stern but apparently it’s completely acceptable to order you what to do in your own home? NTA.

fusguita (OP)

I KNOW, RIGHT? I was flabbergasted. Like, could you just turn that attitude towards disciplining your child, or?…

shammy_dammy

Time to stop watching her.

Worth_Raspberry_11

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The irony is what you did is actually gentle parenting. A pretty perfect example, really. What your cousin’s mom did is just not parent her child and give in because she cares more about shutting up her kid and not having to deal with the actual work of parenting and raising and teaching her kid.

She’s calling it gentle parenting because it sounds better than saying I’m just going to spoil my kid cause I’m lazy and don’t really care if she becomes a functional and well- adjusted person when she grows up. It’s not being a parent at all.

AlternativeLie9486

Your house, your rules.

fusguita (OP)

Right? But does that apply when the kid’s mother is right there?

PeeplsFrontOfJudea

NTA – “Gentle Parenting” does not mean zero discipline or boundaries. It simply means that we don’t discipline with violence and abuse. The mom should not allow or encourage this behavior and is setting herself and the child up for failure.

Big_Year_526

NTA your being consistent in the way you apply the rules. That’s super important for kiddos.

fusguita (OP)

Yes, and apparently she likes it? She always cries because she doesn’t want to leave my house, and is never rude to me like she is to her mother. It’s very interesting.

FeralHeauxx

NTA but that isn’t gentle parenting at all. That is permissive parenting. There is absolutely a difference. Tell your cousin that if she doesn’t like the way you handle her child she can arrange for alternative childcare. Your cousin is just raising a spoiled, entitled brat.

regularforcesmedic

Ironically enough, your response was actually gentle parenting. The child’s mother’s response was permissiveness. You absolutely do not have to allow anything to occur in your home that you don’t want to.

Establish boundaries within your own home. If she doesn’t like it, she can leave. She does not have to except the favor of your time caring for her child. NTA (except a little AH-ish for complaining about gentle parenting without knowing what it is).

So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?