AITAH for telling my (f25) sister-in-law (f31) that I’m more of a part of family than she is?
I (F25) have been with my fiancé (25M) for almost a decade. We met young and grew up around each other’s families. His parents see me as their own and vice versa.
At a family dinner last weekend, his mom mentioned planning a trip and asked us to check our schedules. I’m in grad school and my exams conflicted with their dates.
His dad immediately said they could move the trip. His sister (F31) then spoke up and said they should go “that exact week” so it could be a “real family trip.” I laughed it off, she said was she was serious and mom stood up for me by saying “it’s real family trip when we’re all together”.
Later, when it was just the three of us, his sister told me that “she doesn’t hate me”, but I’m “not really a part of the family” so she’d “appretiate it if I could back off”.
My fiancé defended me, saying that I am family to their parents, and she replied that everyone only “tolerates” me because they have to. I snapped and told her I’m more of a part of the family than she is.
To give you some additional info, she had a huge fight with her parents when she was 22. They found out she had been lying about doing well in uni and had actually failed out in her first year. Ever since, she only visits them 2-3 times a year and rarely joins family vacations. It’s not for a lack of being invited. She often says she’s coming, then doesn’t. We took my sister on a vacation with us TWICE, since we had an extra plane ticket after fiancé’s sister dipped.
She called me a bitch and left. She later told their mom that she won’t attend family events if I’m there. Their mom responded neutrally, saying we’re all family and she hopes we work it out.
I don’t understand why she dislikes me so much and I really do regret giving her a valid reason for that dislike. I wish we could get along and would apologize if it helped. My fiancé thinks I shouldn’t. AITAH for saying what I did?
Edit: I showed my fiancé this thread and he talked to his parents and explained the situation. Both parents agree with him and have let their daughter know they expect her to apologize. When they were sick with covid, she didn’t check on them once – I cooked for them daily. When dad was in the hospital after a major surgery, she didn’t visit him once. When fiancé’s grandmom died, she didn’t show up to the funeral. She’s done nothing but let them down, again and again.
I AM more of a part of the family than she is, this is a fact EVERYONE agrees on. So thanks to all the NTAs & for the YTA’s, sorry, but you don’t know the whole story and the people who do are choosing to stand up for me. I hope she can calm down and accept that unless she changes her attitude, this is the way it is.
