Longish post ahead. Sorry!
AITA here: I (24F) am to be the MOH in my best friend’s (23F) wedding in a couple. They got engaged about 9 months ago. We have been friends since she was born due to our families being friends. As MOH, I was starting to plan the bachelorette party. I asked her about the location, date, and theme and I told her what my thoughts were. She agreed to all of it. If she wanted something different, I know she would have told me. After confirming with her, I sent out some basic information that included those details to all the bridesmaids. Everyone said the date worked. The date was going to be a 3 days (2during week) due to a commitment from someone. After all was confirmed, I started working on decor, gifts for everyone etc. The bride wanted to be in the know of some things so I was telling her what I could. I brought up houses and activities and she told me to wait on that and focus on the decor for her actual wedding (not bachelorette) and gifts for the bridal group first. I said okay and continued on doing what she wanted.
Over the next two months, she was sending me and another person things for the actual wedding. I would respond when I was able but typically that was a short response due to my job. She then called me one day and accused me of not being excited for her and how the other person is more excited than I am. She told me that she thinks I’m not excited because of my ex? My ex and I broke up over 2 years ago so it clearly has nothing to do with that and also I am SO excited for her. I told her that I was excited and that I was sorry if my text didn’t come across that way. I explained that I was working and sometimes can only send a quick short response. I then told her that I needed to run a few things by her for the bachelorette party and she said we needed to wait because she wanted us to finish the actual wedding part first.
I saw her about a week later and asked her once more about the bachelorette because I wanted to get it all booked before my busy season at work. She told me that we now need to move dates because 1 person said they couldn’t come on the Thursday until after work. I told her that’s what everyone is doing bc we wouldn’t be able to get into the rental until later anyway. She said we still needed to move it and we would talk about it. I said okay that works.
That night, she sent a text out with 4 other date options that also included the weekend that we had originally chose. I could do 3 of the 4 weekends as could much of the group. There was only one weekend I could not do because I was going to be running my very first marathon (which she knew about and had said shed be there to support). You will never guess what weekend she ended up choosing…marathon weekend. I told her that I would most likely not be at the bachelorette and she said “that’s fine!” as if the point of moving it was so that everybody could be there. I continued planning the party even though I would not be there and even tho I was hurt that she wouldn’t be at a big milestone in my life.
Fast forward to recently. She sent a text to the bridal party with house options at a place that we had not discussed. I just went ahead with it because we still hadn’t booked in the original place due to me being told to just wait to book it. I had already booked a place tho and an activity at the original location because I knew last minute things were going to be decided for this. She went ahead and booked what she found then texted me and asked what I had planned for the party. I explained that I had things booked for an original place but went ahead and cancelled. She asked why I hadn’t told her and I said because you kept saying wait. I told her I didn’t have to pay anything so it wasn’t a big deal and that we would go where she wanted. She said she never told me to wait.
We talked on the phone later that night because she said that there were issues between us and she told me I was a liar. She said she never told me to wait on anything. I apologized, thinking maybe I heard her wrong. She then told me that I wasn’t doing good at my job and claimed I was too busy to help her. I have made time and cancelled things just to help and be at certain things. I took that time to tell her that I was hurt too by the date being moved to my marathon weekend when everyone said other dates worked too. She said well I didn’t think about that, even tho I told her, and she said that the marathon just wasn’t as big of a deal and asked me to cancel. I told her I was not cancelling because I had this registered well before she got engaged.
It’s been a week now and she won’t talk to me and told me that I am making her wedding about me. She told me that we still have issues between us and she wanted to talk again. She just keeps bringing up things that I can’t control and asking me to cancel big milestone events in my life. I understand her getting married is a milestone and I will be there of course to celebrate, but does that mean my milestones don’t matter anymore.
It’s gotten to the point where she will not stop accusing me of things that are not true. It’s taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I have made myself sick at this point thinking about it. So, AITA or would I be the a**hole if I asked to just be a bridesmaid and no longer the maid of honor? And AITA or being selfish for not cancelling my marathon?
TYIA
